Rant #12: Finally, the Finale.

I go away for one week and THIS is what happens? How did we get here?  How did it all go so terribly wrong? To be fair, we didn’t end up in this shitdicament in five days.*  With Durbin’s departure, the “I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass” sentiment has increased exponentially among the four Rant devotees (including me) who are even bothering to acknowledge [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:37:58+00:00 May 25th, 2011|American Idol|0 Comments

Rant #11: A Chorus to Bore Us

Welcome to this week’s kinder more gentle rant as our true queen of rant, JenN had the audacity to go on vacation and I’m just not as bad-ass as she is.  But thankfully JenN has sent me some replacement commentators to help me through what promises to be a tough night for… well… humanity. Remember last week when they [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:38:14+00:00 May 19th, 2011|American Idol|0 Comments

Rant #10: GaGa-ya-ya-smash-smash

Dawg, Dawg, awg awg aw-awg, Duckface, Duckface fa-ace, Ga Ga ooh la la…WANT YOUR BAD IDOL! Come one, come all, to this freak-show edition of Duckface and the Dawg.  Does anyone else find it worrisome that GaGa, a complete lunatic (though arguably a talented and/or brilliant one), is the only person making any sense on this clusterfuck of a [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:38:37+00:00 May 12th, 2011|American Idol|1 Comment

Rant #9: Edicion del Cinco de Drinko

Edición del Cinco de Drinko Hola!  Bienvenidos a La Cara de Pato y El Perro, Edición del Cinco de Drinko.   Me llamo Juana-ita.  Mi Espanol es horrible, pero no tan horrible como American Idol.  Yo no sé por qué sigo viendo.  Qué quiero realmente es hacer el dulce, amor dulce a Adám Levine.   Pero supongo que no es ni [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:38:46+00:00 May 5th, 2011|American Idol|1 Comment

Rant #8: Cranky Pants & White Pants

Hello minions!  Welcome to Duckface and the Dawg: A Very Special ‘Screw You Mother Nature!’ edition. It must be Mo-Nat’s time of the month, because she has been one irate bitch lately, and thusly has been inconveniencing me every chance she gets.  First she blows down five large trees behind my house.  Then she makes me work late.  Then [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:38:55+00:00 April 28th, 2011|American Idol|0 Comments

Rant #7: Crazy Eye, Curses and Cast-Off Catastrophe

Friends, I’m running out of creative things to say about the 12-inch shit sandwich that is American Idol. But I’ll try anyway.   For you, my legions of fans (legions = seven), I will make this sacrifice. Have you noticed that when the announcer introduces the judges J-Lo raises her hand when said-announcer says Steve Tyler’s name and vice versa?  [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:39:07+00:00 April 21st, 2011|American Idol|3 Comments

Rant #6: Better Late than Beauteeful

I am a douche-canoe with incredibly poor time-management skills.  I am going out of town for a wedding this weekend and, of course, have left all the wedding crapola details until the last minute.  Heretofore, I did not have time to write The Rant until now and, such as, U.S. Americans don’t have maps and such as the Iraq, [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:39:21+00:00 April 15th, 2011|American Idol|0 Comments

Rant# 5: Imperfectly perfect. Or perfectly imperfect.

Welcome to this week’s edition of ‘Duckface and The Dawg!’  (Now with footnotes!) First off, let me say what a pleasure it is to see that Steven Tyler is taking fashion advice from the Bronx Zoo Cobra.  Meanwhile, Randy has apparently been shopping at Gimps ‘R Us.  J-Lo looked great, though maybe she might want to invest in one [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:39:30+00:00 April 7th, 2011|American Idol|0 Comments

Rant #4: The Barber Did What?

Another week, another top 11 on American Idol and another Rant by our own JenN.  That save last week was pretty dramatic – and can I just say “Hulk Hogan is my American Idol”… or not. This week on Duckface and the Dawg…other people do my job for me…Duckface goes nearly an hour without telling someone his or her [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:39:45+00:00 March 31st, 2011|American Idol|3 Comments

Rant #3: It’s Beauteeful, Man

Ah Thursdays… JenN is back with the continuing adventures of Duckface and The Dawg oh and yeah some J-Lo too.  Enjoy! For the love of sweet petite giraffes, can someone PLEASE get Steven Tyler a damned THESAURUS??? Hi everybody!  Welcome to this week’s edition of The Rant: brought to you by Motown, the number 69, and the word beauteeful. [...]

By | 2013-12-07T19:39:55+00:00 March 24th, 2011|American Idol|1 Comment