The Random Reflections column has a new name. It is no longer “Random Reflections from the Week”, but rather has been shortened to “Random Reflections”. This change will allow for additional randomness. Perhaps something random was in fact observed earlier in the month, or last year. Well, now that randomness can be written about with no associated feelings of guilt. AND you will never know when a Random Reflections column will appear – because if you did – it wouldn’t be random. It could be Monday or it could be April 10th. You’ll just have to stay tuned. So there. Now, on to today’s randomness:
#1 – Dating sites are not for women of a certain age.
I know everyone says dating sites are the way to go these days and that meeting men at bars or gyms is totally passe, but if you are a woman “of a certain age”, “relatively honest” and are okay with a lie of omission then bars and gym will work for you and dating sites will not.
Here’s what I mean: You look good – and work hard at it: Gray hair addressed by Clairol #4, wrinkles managed with a little Botox, and weight controlled by Spanx. Guy at bar approaches and the first question out of his mouth is not “How old are you?” In fact, if he’s any kind of a gentleman it should take him at least 3 or 4 dates to get to that. But online – one of the first things you have to answer is your age. So either you lie like a rug or admit your real age thus nullifying all of your efforts at the salon. See what I mean?
Clearly these dating sites were designed by men. I say if we women are required to list our age – then the guys should be required to list their salary. (And they shouldn’t be allowed to wear hats in their photos either… just sayin’.)
#2 – Making toast takes the exact wrong amount of time.
If you stand in front of the toaster and watch the toasting process, it will never be done. You may in fact age or develop a nervous tic while waiting any kind of browning to occur. BUT, if you walk away and attempt to outsmart the toast it will inevitably burn – either turning to charcoal or setting your toaster on fire, or both.
#3 – Chain emails (or FB statuses or any of that crap) really bug me.
Are you old enough to remember actual chain letters? The kind that your friends hand wrote and either mailed to you or handed to you in class? (Sadly I am – see #1 above). I HATED those things. And I thought when I reached college and life beyond I would be free of this nonsense forever. I considered it a perk of aging like the AARP discount (which I am not old enough for… No really). But no. Along came email, and the return of the ever-so-obnoxious chain letter – electronic style.
Can I please, once and for all alleviate any stress you have on the subject of these things? You will NOT… EVER… lose friends, cause someone’s death, get $1 in the mail, earn a million dollars, find true love or any of the other absolute bullcrap promised by these emails. Ever. I swear. (But if you like this blog post, please write “chain mail is for losers” in the comments and forward it to 10 of your friends. If you do you will get… well, nothing besides my undying appreciation. And if you don’t nothing bad will happen to you except that I will know you are a big giant loser).
— Dana Barrett, Managing Editor