I go away for one week and THIS is what happens?

How did we get here?  How did it all go so terribly wrong?

To be fair, we didn’t end up in this shitdicament in five days.*  With Durbin’s departure, the “I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass” sentiment has increased exponentially among the four Rant devotees (including me) who are even bothering to acknowledge that American Idol is still on the air.  I’m not sure how I could be less interested in who wins.  It’s not that McLeany and Lauren are terrible – they’re not.  They just inspire in me a…spectacular indifference.  I find myself longing for Langone and Lusky…even pining for Pia…just so I would have SOMETHING to say.  I literally have been staring at this screen for the last two hours trying to come up with something witty, interesting and/or insightful to impart, and kids:


Not helping matters is the fact that the producers decided to put a muzzle on the judges.  When they were allowed to speak, Scotty’s original song entitled “This Crap Taco is This Big” had Dawg proclaiming “SCOTTY’S IN IT TO WIN IT!” *faceplant* and Coach Duckface saying “you can’t take a three-point shot from under the net.” *????*  Meanwhile Lauren’s weepy “I Heart My Mama” song had the brain trust declaring her the winner.

The general consensus on the Interwebs this morning is that Lauren will win because:

  1. the  judges said she will
  2. she sang a song to her mama, and America loves that sentimental garbage
  3. she had the whole “overcoming adversity” thing going on with her blown-vocal-chord drama
  4. McLeany just ain’t that great a singer

So, there we are.  Good talk.

And thus, it is not with a bang but a whimper that I bid you farewell from Rant HQ.  Henceforth, I will devote my energies to fantasizing about Adam Levine and fine-tuning my TiVo fast-forwarding skills as to avoid ever hearing Mary Murphy speak/shriek.


— JenN (thankfully) out!

* Much thanks to Fliperdoodle, Amber and Dana for filling in last week.  You three are troopers!  I couldn’t even bring myself to watch after reading your recap.  Well done!