How did we get here? How did it all go so terribly wrong?
To be fair, we didn’t end up in this shitdicament in five days.* With Durbin’s departure, the “I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass” sentiment has increased exponentially among the four Rant devotees (including me) who are even bothering to acknowledge that American Idol is still on the air. I’m not sure how I could be less interested in who wins. It’s not that McLeany and Lauren are terrible – they’re not. They just inspire in me a…spectacular indifference. I find myself longing for Langone and Lusky…even pining for Pia…just so I would have SOMETHING to say. I literally have been staring at this screen for the last two hours trying to come up with something witty, interesting and/or insightful to impart, and kids:
I. GOT. NOTHIN’.
Not helping matters is the fact that the producers decided to put a muzzle on the judges. When they were allowed to speak, Scotty’s original song entitled “This Crap Taco is This Big” had Dawg proclaiming “SCOTTY’S IN IT TO WIN IT!” *faceplant* and Coach Duckface saying “you can’t take a three-point shot from under the net.” *????* Meanwhile Lauren’s weepy “I Heart My Mama” song had the brain trust declaring her the winner.
The general consensus on the Interwebs this morning is that Lauren will win because:
- the judges said she will
- she sang a song to her mama, and America loves that sentimental garbage
- she had the whole “overcoming adversity” thing going on with her blown-vocal-chord drama
- McLeany just ain’t that great a singer
So, there we are. Good talk.
And thus, it is not with a bang but a whimper that I bid you farewell from Rant HQ. Henceforth, I will devote my energies to fantasizing about Adam Levine and fine-tuning my TiVo fast-forwarding skills as to avoid ever hearing Mary Murphy speak/shriek.
— JenN (thankfully) out!
* Much thanks to Fliperdoodle, Amber and Dana for filling in last week. You three are troopers! I couldn’t even bring myself to watch after reading your recap. Well done!